mental-health

THE WICKED GAME OF ANXIETY.

June 3, 2021

you know,
your society, my society, our society.  

we are a scared nation.
we are scared to feel anything besides happy.
thats a simple judgment, a vague accusation but its true.
i get asked all the time why dreaded emotions make themselves present for no justifiable reason.

why on a good day you can all of a sudden feel depressed, frustrated, anxious, sad or angry.

its simple,
these emotions surface because you suppress.
they want to be felt, they don’t know your having a great time, they don’t know your entirely relaxed,
they see an opportunity so they attempt to make themselves present,
they don’t know your overall plan is to suppress, so they will keep trying to surface.

so stop,

just sit down and feel.
they are called feelings because they need to be felt.
breath into whatever tries to keep coming up.

for 2 years my biggest emotion was anxiety,
i was tired of feeling that way, tired of being scared for no apparent reason, so i avoided it.

i avoided that emotion entirely, i suppressed it and guess what, it stuck around for 6 entire years.
that anxiety, it just wanted to be felt, like really felt. i know this now because i had to deal with it and it was hell.

i wished that i did it sooner, before i got to my lowest, before i almost handed it all in.
you are a fool to think it will get easier,
cause i can tell you it wont.
that is not how this game works.

despite what you think, regardless what you have pre programmed.
i need to tell you,

it's okay to feel.
it's okay to allow yourself to feel your emotions, good or bad.
the more you feel, the lighter they get, i promise.

at first i have to be honest, it doesn’t feel so nice, your mind will be full, your head distracted.

you would have already made a list of stories of why you may be feeling that way.
just cut the bullshit, stop the screen play. allow yourself to feel.
there doesn’t have to be a reason, just be with it.

you don’t need to meditate to feel, you don’t need to do yoga to feel,
we overcomplicate our instincts & overwhelm our minds.

these things help, when you get the hang of it,

but until then.
just sit down, mentally acknowledge it, breath into it.
try to be still.

and if you sit long enough, whatever needs to come up, it will,
you're going to grab your phone a thousand times but thats okay because it gets easier.

your breaths will get deeper, your thoughts less intense and that emotion will feel acknowledged,

it will feel felt & just like that,
it will release its presence.

i know it sounds simple & thats because it is.
it doesn’t mean its not challenging, it doesn’t mean you wont stop suppressing,

it doesn’t mean you wont have to try a thousand times to just remove the first layer, it just means you understand the importance of an unfinished chapter,
because unless you really feel those emotions,

unless you really experience them, they will remain entirely unfinished.

& so we are back here, back to where we started.
& its obvious isn’t it, the comparison between your emotions & my writing,
they are oddly the same.
because you can’t force feelings, just like you can’t force words.
and i promise you,
you will reach that moment,
when you see the depths to your wounds,
when you notice the numbness to your thoughts.
and that’s when it will happen,
for you, just like it did for me,
when you will acknowledge your emotional depth over societies.

I love you always,
Alexz. 

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